


R is for Reminiscence

by voices_in_my_head



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 15:25:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Erik lets go of the coin and gets it back, and one time he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	R is for Reminiscence

**Author's Note:**

> I love Erik. Like seriously, I really do, and when you think of what he has been through... sorry Charles, but you being on a weelchair has got nothing on him, and really, they're just men following orders ? Come on! Anyway, that coin must have a pretty interesting story not to mention that Erik probably doesn't have the best memories of it. So this happened. Enjoy it :)

**1)**

The first time Erik throws the coin away it’s an exact year from his mother death. He doesn’t know since they don’t tell him the days at the camp and sometimes it all seems to pass so fast, but usually slow.

When Shaw (he only learns his name after he leaves the camp, before that, it’s always doctor) tells him it has been an exact year since he showed such capacities (his words), Erik doesn’t believe him. It has only been one year? At least ten, minimum.

That night while he’s smoking a cigarette (his mother would hate it and he thinks that’s why he keeps doing it. He keeps imagining her barging in and telling him to put the damn thing away.), he holds the coin in one hand and just lets it fall on the floor. He has done this many times before, but this time he doesn’t pick it up.

Why the hell should he? It only reminds him of the day he lost his mother.

It only brings back memories of pain.

The next night one of the men that sleeps in the same cabin that he does, gives him back that coin, and doesn’t accept a no as an answer.

“Don’t look at it for what it was. Look at it for what it can be,” he puts the coin in his pillow and walks away.

Erik keeps it but it takes him almost a week to realize that the man wasn’t talking about the coin.

**2)**

When the English come for them he doesn’t have time to grab anything except his coin. (Not that he had much more than that, anyway.) At night (for the first time in years he finally has decent food and a warm bed) he rolls his coin between his fingers (doesn’t do it with his power. They might have saved them, but that doesn’t mean he trusts them.) and thinks of the old man.

He died years before; Erik can barely remember him or his words.

The next morning they’re asked to leave (he has no idea to where, but he tries to stay positive. Not even Hell could be a worse place than the one he stayed for years.) and he leaves the coin in the pillow.

He’s entering a truck (this time there’s place for all of them and air) when a soldier suddenly stops it and gives him the coin.

The soldier doesn’t say anything, just sends him a look that could mean so many things that Erik doesn’t even try to decipher. He just guards the coin away and decides he’ll throw it away during the way.

He doesn’t, but he could have, and weirdly enough that makes him feel better.

**3)**

The third time he doesn’t really throw it away; he loses it and just doesn’t care enough to look for it.

He has been in England, working in a factory, for almost three months, and he’s known by most of them. He doesn’t talk much but it’s okay because they don’t really expect him to.

It’s a little boy that gives it back to him, two days later, and the only reason Erik takes it is because he knows there’s a swastika there and he doesn’t want the boy to ever see that symbol.

**4)**

Erik works in the factory for three years before he has enough to start his search for Shaw.

He throws the coin away just before he embarks the boat to Continental Europe because all he can think while watching it is how Shaw gave him the coin and smiled at him after he killed his mother.

It hurts so much and he gets so angry that the boat shakes a bit. He calms himself and goes inside.

He doesn’t lose his calm again until almost a day has passed. He’s eating alone and there’s a family right beside him. The little girl suddenly starts screaming about how it’s not fair that her brother got more chocolate than she did and he has to leave the table because all he wants is to scream at the girl.

_Fair!? She knows nothing about justice!_ He thinks in an angry German while he’s looking at the ocean.

He thinks of the coin.

About half an hour later, when he’s getting ready to get back inside the coin is suddenly there. He was so angry that he called the coin to him.

He plays with it and wonders. Thinks about throwing it into the ocean, because getting it now only makes him think about how he’ll never be free of his memories.

Instead he guards it inside his pocket. He’ll throw the coin away when he meets Shaw. He’ll bury the fucking coin into his head.

He smirks while walking inside and can’t resist to showing his teeth to the girl.

**5)**

He has been looking for Shaw for two years when he throws the coin away and this time he really thinks it’s for life.

He’s sick of it. He has done everything he could think of (and more), spent all his money (again, and more) and has got nothing more in return than to relive bad memories.

He has been in France for more than a week and he’s drank more than he should have, so he’s telling his life story.

There’s nobody but him and the bartender and he feels himself spitting words from his mouth. He’s rolling the coin in his fingers and when he finally gets up leaves it behind.

“Hey, don’t you want it?”

“No,” he feels like he should say more. Explain, but at that moment he just can’t make himself. “Keep it, or throw it away, I don’t really care.”

He’s opening the door when the bartender calls him back.

“Take it. You’ll want it later.”

Erik is shaking his head but his feet are already leading him to the counter.

“I doubt it,” he says but still holds his hand out to receive the coin.

The next day he gets information and goes back to the bar. The bartender doesn’t say anything to the smile on his face, just nods his head.

**+1)**

There’s a part inside Erik that knows that the only reason Shaw isn’t moving is because Charles is inside his head, not allowing him to. However that small part doesn’t even begin to compare to the one that all it wants is to kill the bastard.

He has no idea how he’s even capable of maintaining a conversation with him. All he ever wanted was to put the coin, the fucking coin, inside the other’s brain and now that he can, not even the thought of hurting Charles can stop him.

Maybe if he took the helmet Charles would see how he needs this and would understand but he’s had weeks to realize that Erik wasn’t a good guy when it came to Shaw.

“This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to count to three and you are going to move the coin,” he says and can’t deny there’s a pleasure inside him at the way Shaw’s eyes seem to understand that this is it. No matter what he does, Erik will kill him.

When it’s over the coin falls to the floor and he thinks of taking it with him. It would be some sort of souvenir but the one he has on his head is a much better one .

“You should feel happy,” he says to the corpse while linking his hands, “that was nothing compared to what you did to me.”

He wonders if somebody will find the coin. What they’ll think of it. The moment he’s out of the submarine he founds he doesn’t really care. After all, it’s just a coin.

 


End file.
